Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
