well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
