PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
