Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
