i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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