dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
