why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
