we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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