Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize