speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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