We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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