there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
