So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There r osticjed everywhere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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