i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize