hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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