i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
