I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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