so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
