I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
