I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
