I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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