i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
