If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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