He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize