I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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