Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize