you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
