So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
