I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
