She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize