i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
