Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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