i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
