tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
