Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
