dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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