You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
