Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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