flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
