Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
