I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
