her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
