we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
