She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
