VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize