She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
