she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
