She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
