Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
