i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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