she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
