You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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