Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
