sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
