Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
