Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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