forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
