she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
