So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
