Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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