i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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