Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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