i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
