Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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