I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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