Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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