actually, I'm a sock model
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize