So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
