He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
