Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
