Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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