We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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