He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
