just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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