she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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