I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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