My hand turned me down
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
