i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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