carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sext me about skeletons
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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