dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
