i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
