I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
