somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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