and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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