if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
