oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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