He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
