so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
