I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
