Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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