I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
