96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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