In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
