you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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