i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
