i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
