He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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