Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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