Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
