I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
