Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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