One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
