Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
